The Most Important Blind Date... EVER

Our birth mother, N, has invited us to visit with her before she is scheduled to deliver to get to know one another a bit better. We are so excited to look in her eyes and hug her and learn as much about her as she's willing to share. Of course, we're nervous, too. It is truly like we're going on the most important blind date of our lives!


We want to put her at ease, too.


To show her how much she means to us - and the role we hope she will always play in our lives. She's not had an easy road to travel and we get the impression that any support network she has had throughout various stages of her pregnancy have eroded. Hopefully we make a good impression!  Any tips? I'd love to hear them!!

Seriously... comment below.


We're also trying to figure out what we should bring her - I'm thinking a little care package to spoil herself. We know she loves to read so I was thinking of a book and maybe some girly-stuff like lotions and bath stuff. What do you think??




We will make the trek to the Las Vegas-area this Friday following work. Hopefully S will be able to get away from the office a little early to give us an early start on the 5-hour drive. The trip will give us a chance to check out the hospital, find a place where we can stay for a week or two after the birth if all goes smoothly.


 The adoption laws require that the birth mother wait 72 hours following birth to terminate parental rights,and then the courts in both states need to certify, share and certify again the change of custody before we are allowed to travel home to Arizona.


So... we've been told to expect to be in Vegas for 7-10 business days after she delivers and terminates rights before we can go home following placement with us.


So... if you know of any place in Vegas that would be a comfortable place to stay for two weeks with a baby... let us know!

The News We've Wanted to Break

We got the call! A birth mother has selected us. We're in a match! And if all goes well (we pray that it does!) we will be parents to a baby boy at the end of January.


Seven weeks!


The call came last Tuesday afternoon, and we've been spending the last week trying to manage our own expectations, ascertain whether it's okay to be excited or not.


We've struggled with how we feel: elation to be sure, but mixed equally with trepidation that this happiness won't last - that the worst-case scenario of the adoption falling through is somehow inevitable. Rationally, of course, we know it's not. But the odds aren't comfort enough for us. After all, through seven years of trying to start our family, we've been the tiny minority that has experienced every downside of fertility treatments and miscarriages.


But at the end of the day (or the week as it may), we've decided to revel in the happiness we feel.


The only thing we can control in this process is how we choose to react to this news and we want to be able to tell our son (amazing to write that) the story of how we celebrated the news of his arrival with our family and friends.


I don't know what else to write, other than to ask that you keep her and her baby in your prayers. She has already demonstrated such strength for pursuing adoption for her child; please pray to bring her the peace she will certainly need to continue to move forward.


And, just as importantly, we want to say "Thank You." Thank you for your continued support of us over the last several years as we navigated our hope and disappointment in our journey to becoming parents.


Up next: The Conference Call


Tomorrow morning we "meet" the woman who picked us over a conference call. Tune in tomorrow night for an update on how it went.

What to Expect When We're Adopting...

Thank you for your sweet messages of congratulations in response to yesterday's post.


We're very excited and glad that you are finding joy in the news, as well. Here's a link to the profile so you can check it out for yourselves if you're interested.

We talked about what kind of information we could share with you about our adoption efforts that would be interesting for you on days when we don't have big news. Many of our family and friends have limited experience with domestic adoptions in general and much less in open adoptions. So, today we thought we'd fill everyone in on how this process works. It will be like our own version of What to Expect When You're Adopting! 

Open, Domestic, Infant Adoption

We're pursuing a domestic, open infant adoption. We chose to pursue the adoption domestically for a number of reasons but mainly because we knew there were so many children in the United States who need good families and forever homes.


Also, we wanted to be able to share details with our child about their birth families: culture, customs, language, health records, etc.  As a result the birth parents in our adoption could reside in any state in the US; which we like because we think that increases our odds of a tolerable waiting time (we'll see though, right?).

We decided that the state-managed public adoption process wasn't a good fit for our first attempt at adoption.


 Our state requires public adoptive families to foster children before they adopt; and the opportunity to adopt won't always result from every situation they could foster.  We couldn't bear the idea of fostering a child in the State's protective services and public adoption program only to have them removed from our home to be reunited with their biological families. While we would be delighted to learn that a family could be reunited, it would break our hearts to have to say "goodbye" to a child we helped raise. After so many losses in our journey toward parenthood, we both agreed our hearts just couldn't take that; especially for our first child. As a result, we're working on a private adoption utilizing a licensed adoption agency, attorneys and a nationwide search for birth parents who might like us. In theory, this also results in shorter wait and finalization times. 

We decided that, while we're open to adopting a child who is up to four-years old, we prefer to adopt a newborn infant. As you can imagine, especially those of you with children of your own, we long for the opportunity to raise our child from birth.


Although....some of you with children have told us to maybe get one that sleeps through night, or is potty trained, or is already out of the house and has a job!


All good points but this is just going to have to be one of those lessons we learn on our own! :)


 All joking aside, we are so excited about the opportunity to adopt a newborn child and to be a part of their lives from the day they are born.

Tomorrow, we'll fill you in on what we hope our Open Adoption will be like. 

As always, feel free to leave comments on the blog. 

XOXO

A New Chapter Begins!

One year ago this week, S & I embarked upon our last attempt at in vitro fertilization to begin our family. For those of you who followed our blog back then, you'll recall that it was a roller-coaster of a process with high hopes that were followed closely by disappointment. While we were sad to put this final attempt at a biological family behind us, we still had the hope of becoming parents through adoption.


Today, we're happy to announce that we have been officially activated as an "Expecting Family" with our adoption agency.  By activating, we've completed a number of hurdles in our journey through the adoption process.  Over the last year along this journey we have:


1. Interviewed dozens of adoption agencies in the United States over the phone;

2. Traveled to meet in-person with our two favorite agencies - one in California and one in Kansas;

3. Selected American Adoptions in Overland Park, Kansas (licensed in Arizona) as our adoption agency;

4. Completed state and federal criminal and child abuse background checks;

5. Had our home visited twice by our Arizona social worker;

6. Had our Home Study filed by our Arizona social worker;

7. Received word of the Court's acceptance of our Home Study;

8. Completed a print and online couple profile to market us to potential birth parents;

9. Completed a video profile to assist in marketing us to potential birth parents;

10. Paid our Activation Fee (gulp!);

11. Begun out-of-the-box projects and ways to adopt without debt

11. Received word this morning that our profile has begun widespread distribution to prospective birth parents nationwide.


To get here, many of you have had a role to play; and for that we are so eternally grateful! From lending your  testimony as a recommendation to our social worker for the home study this Spring to providing us with words and letters of encouragement along the way; to presents and tips on nursery ideas and most importantly, prayers this adoption process has been made all the more special because of your support and love for us.

THANK YOU!

Over the next several months, we'll blog daily - yes, DAILY - about our progress toward becoming parents. We'll keep you informed of the good, the bad and everything in-between and ask that you share our blog with family and friends who you think might be interested in our journey.  Also, share your comments, questions and feedback on the blog. It's a great way for our extended family and friends to participate in the discussion and our journey to becoming parents. With so many of us located all around the world, this is a great way for us to stay in touch with one another!
It's been a long, winding and sometimes bumpy ride - but we wouldn't change a thing and hope that our story can be of value to others who may be considering a similar path.


Tune in tomorrow for another update!

Welcome!

So, as you can probably guess, this is a blog to help journal the experience my husband and I and those around us have had in a long and tumultuous journey toward beginning our own branch of our large family tree.


I've struggled with wanting to insulate our family and friends from the emotional roller-coaster that my fertility challenges have provoked.


As a result, I've not really shared the details of our ups & downs, our hopefullness at each procedure and our sadness and the losses to date. Hopefully, this blog will help engage those who care to read it in what's happening in our efforts, give you strength and inspiration to continue your prayers for us and hopefully, just hopefully, end in us having a baby to love!


Both of our families' trees have deep roots and a plethora of branches. My husband's family tree branches out across the country and around the world. My family tree has roots at Plymouth Rock. But for the last five years we have struggled to get our own branch to grow!


We thought we did everything right:

Boy meets girl - Girl knocks boy's socks off and they fall madly in love - establish both careers - buy house - get married and start a family. Right?

Not so fast, as it turns out!

Perhaps we waited too long to get started. I'm 38 and he's 41. But we act like we're 12 so often that hopefully that counts for something.


When we married in 2005, we shared our first dance to , "I Love You" by Barenaked Ladies, which features as a refrain in the lyrics "Let's Make a Family Tree."


We had agreed months earlier that we would surprise eachother on our wedding day with engravings in the wedding bands we exchanged and, as fate would have it, we both referenced the lyrics. For those who know the song or those who listen to it in the above link, you'll hear BNL sing about some of the things the singer loves. Like him, among my husband's favorite things in life - aside from me- are soup, ice cream sandwiches, and fish sticks. So accordingly, he had my wedding band engraved with "More than Anything" so I always remember where I rank. Unaware of his message to me, I had his ring engraved with "Let's Make a Family Tree."


I know - we're adorable.


Anyway, that was six years ago next month. Since then, we've been very blessed and very happy but our attempts to have a child have been dashed by miscarriages, four years of fertility treatments, 3 failed IUI attempts, and 1 failed IVF treatment. We agreed that we would try IVF twice and that we'd begin pursuing adoption as soon as we began winding down fertility treatments. And we have done just that.


We have an adoption agency retained, we've completed our background investigations, have met with our assigned social worker and await the finalization of our homestudy. In the meantime, we are entering the home stretch of our final IVF treatment.


Tomorrow's the day when we go in for the egg retrieval surgery and the doctor retrieves what I hope are 6-8 beautifully perfect oocytes (eggs) that will each fertilize magnificiently and grow into 6-8 Grade A, top-notch embryos.

I'm supposed to be on bedrest tomorrow following the procedure so I'll have plenty of time to update you on how the retrieval went. And I'll post frequently to keep readers up to date on our adoption journey.

Remaining positive. My One-Millionth Prayer Said. Fingers Crossed. Let's Do This.