When God Opens a Door...Walk Through It

When God opens a door... it's probably a good idea to walk through it. That's the lesson we used over the weekend to decide if we were going to pursue the adoption opportunity that presented itself on Thursday.

By now, many of you know we travelled to NW Arkansas last Friday night and Saturday morning; Nicole from Phoenix and Shea from Philadelphia by way of Chicago and Tulsa- to explore the possibility of adopting a little boy born the week before.

The moment we saw him, I think we both fell in love and just knew that he was meant to be our son. While born 10 weeks premature, he was an amazing sight to hold: Centered in a 300lb computerized isolette, with multiple lead wires to IV pumps and vital monitors and a nasal cannula for oxygen - all 3 lbs 5 oz of him laid there with eyes open and the calmest countenance you could imagine.

We just knew. We loved him and he was ours. We met his parents - both residents of Arkansas who emigrated there from the Marshall Islands. They confirmed what we felt and assured us that they wished to place him for adoption to ensure that he has the best opportunity for a good and secure life. They wanted us to parent him and provide that family.

On June 27, 2013, the State of Arkansas accepted our petition to adopt him and officially ordered his name to be Beckett Charles Stickler. His Hebrew name will be Beryl Chaim, utilizing Shea's father's Hebrew name Beryl and Chaim meaning "Life." Beckett was selected to honor Shea's father, Brian, by utilizing another "B" name and Charles was selected as a middle name to honor Nicole's maternal and paternal grandfathers - each of whom we believe would have loved to meet this charming little soul and tickled to have him as their namesake.


Beckett is a unique name and is one that carries great meaning to our family. An Irish novelist, poet and playwright we adore, Samuel Beckett's works typically are described as bleak or cynical - but closer examination reveals optimism, joy and perseverance. In his 1983 novella WorstwardHo, Beckett wrote, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
Those words, among others he penned, rang in our minds throughout this winding, tumultuous journey to add a child to our family. And his journey to a healthy future is going to be marked with tiny gains and setbacks - necessitating a spirit content to try despite the risk of failure. That resiliency he posses is something that we hope to teach him to prize throughout his life.
His name can be a reminder.







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Wishes Can Come True

We all make wishes. We make them on stars, eyelashes, first time visits to a church, and especially on birthdays. Yesterday was my wife's birthday and while she didn't fully disclose the details of her birthday wish when she blew out the candle, I knew what it was. It's the same wish she makes every night - it's the same wish I make too.

Perhaps because we both dread the idea of going down the emotional dark hole again that we found ourselves appending her secret wish. We turned to each other and said "wouldn't it be even better if we got a call after someone gave birth, had already signed the paperwork, and all we have to do is come pick up the baby?"

Well today we got a call from an attorney asking if we would be interested in such an opportunity. Whether you believe in a divine plan, fate, karma or wishes... We now find ourselves with a potential answer to our prayer.

There is still a lot of details to sort through but our hope has been rekindled. We may have the greatest gift ever.

We will provide more details, as we sort through them but please continue to think good thoughts, say prayers, cross your fingers, etc. because this could be our lucky day!

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Facing Facts

A little over a month ago, we shared a moment of amazing joy wrapped in hope and an instance of extreme disappointment punctuated by subsequent reminders of doubt, anger and even fear.

We are constantly reminded that our family is still incomplete.
Reminded by little moments from an empty backseat on a quick trip to the store, an unused nursery, a warm weekend walk past a playground or just the odd silence. Even with two adults and two dogs we have noticed that the house is quieter than it should be.

These to us are facts.

This weekend we had to face the fact that our lives must continue.

I've had to return to Las Vegas for work while my better half had to spend it alone in the house.

Flying into the city I looked out the window scanning below for any sign. As silly as it might sound I was searching for the birth mother and baby. When driving from the airport to the event it was hard not to notice the hospital, hotel and house where he was born, stayed with us and may be living today. The fact that I couldn't pick them out of a crowd hasn't kept me from trying. Even while navigating thousands of tourists on the Strip I was looking.

If it wasn't for the fact that I am married to the most amazing person; facing this trip would be unbearable.

Another fact is the love and support we've received from family, friends and coworkers.

So while the fact that we are again putting ourselves out there for another match; we know it is not about if we will be parents - it is a matter of when. And that is a fact!

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Location:Las Vegas, NV

Continuing Our Journey

A week ago we were ecstatic to share the news that we believed would change our lives forever. And it did.


Seven days ago, we thought our seven year journey had finally begun a new adventure.
And it had.


We witnessed the birth of a beautiful baby boy. And for a few days we fell in love with him. We thought he would be our child and we would be his parents. Alas, it was not meant to be.


We've learned so much about ourselves. We realized how much we could love and how much it can hurt to have a dream taken away again. The struggle to become parents is not behind us.


Yet, we learned how much we are loved by our family and friends. And how grateful we are to have a family made up of you all. Thank you.


While the ache still lingers; we are learning how strong we are as individuals and as a couple. After uncurling from the dark; we reminded each other of our goal... to "Make a Family Tree."


Today is Valentine's Day. When we profess our love for one another and others. And for us, we have decided to put our heart out once more. We have contacted our social worker and reactivated our adoption profile.


Adoption is love and not for the faint of heart. You have to want this bad and be willing to accept some bruises along the journey.


As long as we are together we will navigate the bumps and reach our dream. It is not a matter of "if" we will be parents; it is a matter of "when."

We appreciate all of your love and support as we continue the journey to Make Our Family Tree.


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Baby Of Perseverance

On Feb 6th at 8:11am a brand new baby boy entered the world and our lives. Born 7.6 lbs and 20.5" long with a good head of hair, alert and a great set of lungs. While Nicci was able to be in the room, I was stuck outside listening for his cries. That's how I know he's got pipes.


It was the most amazing moment. We started to share the good news with the world. And everyone joined in this moment.
Even our birth mother seemed happy.


We spent the next three days in her room with who we hoped would be our son. On Saturday she was scheduled to make our dreams come true.


When the nurse asked for a name our birth mother turned to us. Beckett Charles we said - after my Dad and Nicci's grandfathers. Great men.


We saw this moment as the definition of perseverance. Despite so many losses and moments of disappointment in trying to become parents; we've reached the moment of possibility.


While I would like to tell you that the next five days were the happiest of our lives; sadly I cannot.


You see, our birth mother's family had not just been unsupportive or discouraging; they created new scarier roadblocks for her to move forward. They came to the hospital not to love on her or to just congratulate her. They threatened to take her eight year old son and leave her homeless.


Faced with such darkness the only light in the room; one that also gave us hope was baby Beckett. So she began to bond with him.


Oh this was hard, this was painfully hard. He was ours in our hearts but not in our rights. We could only sit by and stare as she fed and caressed him.


We tried to be supportive, helping her get a hotel room downstairs from ours, letting her come up to be with him at all hours, and driving her around town to shelters and such.


Our social workers told us we were doing everything right and are amazing. We just didn't feel it.
Except. Except when we were alone with Beckett. When he was curled up and snuggled into our chest.


On February 6th at 8:11am a brand new baby boy entered the world and our lives.


On February 11th at 1:50pm we found ourselves curled up on the floor holding each other having just handed over our hearts to a social worker. Our birth mother changed her mind.


I write this with aching heart and wishing that I could take the pain away from my wife. She deserves to be a mom. She was amazing even for such a short period of time.


I don't know what to do but to pack up our hotel room, put aside my pain, anger and anguish. I only pray that Beckett felt love from us and will be loved forever.
Samuel Beckett said “All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”


I pray that we will have the strength to try again.


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Hotel to Hallway

Just as we laid our heads down to dream of becoming a family, as that first bit of sleepy dust weighed upon our eyelids - the buzz of a text message, like three cherries in a row at the slots; charging us to awake.


Awoken to new possibilities and a new future, we mustered to attention.


Our birth mom is starting to have contractions. They are far apart and while she insists that we rest and wait; it is hard to sleep - to dream seems passé when reality has shaken us awake.


We showered, dressed and repacked... to be truly ready to go.


We will use the word "ready" so many times. And I'm sure we will use it countless times today. While we may never be fully ready for everything, we welcome the challenge.


Tick-tock we watch the clock.
Again the phone calls us to action. After a few laps around the hotel room we grab our keys and head to the car.


I make the mistake of taking side streets at 2am, it was in my mental route plan, which of course seemed better in theory than practice. It was like walking when we needed to run!


Without a ticket or panic... we arrived at the hospital; our birth mother is already here; she took a cab. She is independent and strong. Strong enough inside to text us through the pain. Amazing.




After a security escort we make it to the maternity ward.





As difficult as this may be for us, we can't possibly presume to understand how hard this moment; these minutes and possible hours will be for our birth mother.


She has invited us in to this moment. This very personal moment to share it with us and help insure that it is ours too.








Understandably, our birth mother wants to preserve some privacy. So I stay in the hallway, just feet from her room; listening for signs. Jumping at every beep and alarm. I inch forward in my seat as I watch nurses and a cart enter her room. Luckily my wife is in there with her.


I'm getting the play-
by-play via text. "The epidural has been administered." In less than two hours she went from 0cm to 7cm dilated. Our birth mom is in a lot of pain.


Oh why did we have to watch those web videos on childbirth - what's going on in there; what can I do to help?


I know she is strong, she is mighty. But I want to help. Reflecting on the moment is all I can do for now.


Outside there are tourists and regulars rolling dice, placing bets, calling, holding and even folding. They are dropping coins into slots and hoping to strike it big. The neon, smoke, cheers and jeers fill the Strip.





Here it is quiet in the hallway. The lights are soft, air is clean and the only bells here announce that a baby is about to be born.


The excitement is in our heads and hearts. The thrill is in who is to come. We aren't relying on luck or chance. Tonight we bet on our birth mother and know it is just a matter of when.


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Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner!

Since we've been waiting in Las Vegas for the last five days we realize you are all waiting with us! And everyone had a different idea about when the Little One would arrive.

My aunt was hoping for Feb. 1 - her birthday
My husband believed that it would be Feb. 7
My sister believed it would be Feb. 8
And I had a feeling that it would be today, February 6th.

And wouldn't you know it? At midnight we heard from N that her contractions had begun and were increasing in length and frequency!

It looks like our little guy may be here today after all! I'm chalking it up to my motherly instincts!!

Stay tuned, today! Updates to follow!


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We Wait

The nursery is ready, work for both of us has been wrapped up for our absences and we're as close to ready as we're going to get.


Of course, there are a million things we would love to be able to do before the Little One arrives, but we both have come to the realization that all he really needs...we have! And a crib, carseat and cute duds are just icing on the sweetest cake of all!
We received a call last Thursday from our birth mom's social worker while out shopping for the perfect gift to present her that would remind her of the gratitude we feel for her sacrifice. And we learned that N's doctor was considering inducing her as early as the next day. Could we be there for the ultra-sound appointment the next day?


Heck, yeah! We picked up a few things at that store and went to the jewelry store to pick up what we thought was a very appropriate gift. But more about that later!


We rushed home, asked my dad to watch the dogs and stay at our place while we were gone, loaded up the car and were off!


Now, everyone has told us that a baby has more stuff than you can imagine, but you can't comprehend how much stuff we had to pack! You see, ours would be a stay of up to two weeks- out of state and in a hotel. So here's what we brought:


Bassinet with the incline sleeper
Car seat
Stroller
Bouncy/rocking chair thing
Bottles
Pacifiers
First aid kit
1 plush snugly blanket
5 receiving blankets
5 burp cloths
10 onesies
5 socks
2 mittens
4 hats
2 pajamas
2 sleeping gowns
Going home outfit - for leaving hospital
Going home outfit- for going home to Arizona when it's time
Bath gear
Diapers and gear


And then we brought our stuff.


Including our laptops and tablets, my camera and all gear for newborn sessions (yay!)


And here's what all of that looks like in our 7-passenger SUV:




So we made the five hour drive to Las Vegas, checked in to our hotel at 2 am and tried to sleep.


Next morning arrived and we were no worse for the wear. We took N out to lunch and then to her ultrasound appointment.


How exciting! She invited me I. To the exam room to witness it and I couldn't be more grateful. Here's a snapshot if our Little One:




I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to be a terrible mom, but I have no idea what I was looking at... But the doc and tech feel as if all is well and based on what they saw, there's no need to induce.


So for now, we wait!


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While our initial interaction with the agency about our adoption indicated that the estimated due date was January 27th it may actually be considerably later. I guess the 27th marked the beginning of the 39th week and the OBGYN recently changed the estimated due date to February 8th. So, while we certainly don't have nine months to wait like so many other families have to, we grow antsy with each passing day planning and preparing for the new arrival to our family.


To keep ourselves busy, we both threw ourselves into work; ensuring that all loose ends and projects requiring our attention could be easily handed off to others when the call came. We began collecting the multitude of items a Little One needs: crib, car seat, stroller, clothes, diapers, bath supplies, first aid kit, and the like. Then we dove into the nursery project. We emptied the extra room nearest our bedroom and my dad painted it for us while we were at work.


Walking in the door after a day at work to see the room empty and painted, somehow made the prospect of becoming parents so much more tangible. We didn't select a theme, per se, for the nursery but rather chose to create a space in our home where he will be able to become the person he's meant to be - while being surrounded with images of the people who love him and reminiscent of the places that hold meaning to our family.


Check out our progress:


https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl5JSNlZWjtlqVDnNa6M5dzHGET5MmcD4hlTKp6Icqb0VBsOzPQu-N9_wD3QF89YuU_qvsAiXwy4PT-F0dQDtaR9AqOfgwrQMGiLeSyVo6uBXwLBFM3o49yKbQ4frvlymilJJx1se-GnA/s1600/photo+(15).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">

The Greatest Gift

When last we updated, we were leaving Nevada after meeting our amazingly kind, strong, and nurturing birth mother, N. that was before Christmas, and I know you're all wondering what has happened since... Are we on track? Is all well? The answer on all fronts is "Yes!"


Just when we thought we couldn't be any luckier to have had such a positive first interaction with the woman who has selected us to parent her baby, we were wrong. There was still more gratitude to be felt, more awe in which to hold her and more tears of joy to be shed that week.


Seriously... go get Kleenex before going any further. Then, read the email we received from her on Christmas Eve:


"Hi, I just wanted to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. I hope you both enjoy spending time with your loved ones.
Just letting you know that I had my doctors appt today. Everything is well. Doctor said the baby has a strong hearbeat. I have and appt in jan 7, and after that every week. He just said for me to drink alot of.water. But your baby is doing well. I know you might be afraid that I might back down after the baby is born.


But I assure you that I will go through with it. I know this baby was created to bring.more love into your lives. This baby will be your child. I cant afford to buy you guys a gift. But what I can give you is my promise that you will be the parents of.this child. I swear on Jonny that it will happen. So don't worry and enjoy your Christmas. Take care."


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Meeting the Birth Mom

Have you ever had a big first date?


You prep - choosing the place to meet, making sure you select a place they'll like, mapping out directions so you're not late, and even picking out an outfit (you want to make just the right impression; not too fancy but not average)... you dream up topics of conversation and anecdotes to fill in the moments of uncomfortable silence as you're sure there will be a few.


You go through a thousand thoughts and make mental lists all so that you can make a great first impression so you can get that second date.


Well that's kind of what it is like before meeting our birth mom for the first time. We drove 5+ hrs to get to her home town a day early; not sure why but we just didn't want to be late. That long ride provided far too much time to think. The dark of night that we cut through lures you in to worry.


Never once did we question who she would be or whether we would like her... It was whether she would still want to grace us with the greatest gift to brighten our lives.


As the hours ticked away our anticipation gave way to nervous excitement.


Following her directions we pulled up with cautious optimism and before we could even exhale she was in the car. We were finally in front (literally) of our birth mom. It was not a moment of strangers but rather of friends meeting up to grab a bite to eat.


Like a plucky sidekick her 8-year old son hopped in the car too. There wasn't time enough for that dreaded uncomfortable silence.


He broke the ice and shared everything from his day to his favorite two holidays - Christmas and his Birthday. You can't disagree with those choices.


She may have been nervous too but her little superhero gave her added courage. She was sweet and compassionate. She is small and delicate but you could tell that inside she is strong.


We didn't ask how she became pregnant or why she decided this was right for her; it didn't matter.


She picked us and wanted to look us in the eyes to see if we fit her vision. Her decision wasn't a spur of the moment, she wasn't naive nor was looking for something more than a loving home for her baby. She may be small framed but she is mighty in nature and has a plan.


Dinner was a combination of playing "squiggle" (drawing game) with her son and learning more about each other. She's a Patriots fan and likes to root for the underdog. She's an avid reader of suspense novels and has a career in real estate, although she would like to pursue a degree in criminal justice.


It's funny how one can find little things in common even when on a first date. She grew up in LA and use to go to Santa Monica like I did as a kid and like my mom, raising a son as a single parent. Her favorite memories are ones that include her son. We chatted about our first trips to Disneyland and our favorite rides.


She dreams of travel but is leery of the strange foods, like someone else we know.


After dessert, chocolate cake, which we can assure you has a way of motivating a "full" eight-year-old boy; we drove her home.


But not before she wanted to show us where the hospital is located. Unselfish.


We said goodbye and as we pulled away we wondered to ourselves how it went. Bzz bzz a text message of thank you.


Not sure how we got so lucky.


After so many attempts and moments of disappointment to start a family, in so few words we recognized that we have met the most amazing birth mom.


As we now head home; it is sinking in that we will be back. And not too long from now there will be three of us driving home together.


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The Most Important Blind Date... EVER

Our birth mother, N, has invited us to visit with her before she is scheduled to deliver to get to know one another a bit better. We are so excited to look in her eyes and hug her and learn as much about her as she's willing to share. Of course, we're nervous, too. It is truly like we're going on the most important blind date of our lives!


We want to put her at ease, too.


To show her how much she means to us - and the role we hope she will always play in our lives. She's not had an easy road to travel and we get the impression that any support network she has had throughout various stages of her pregnancy have eroded. Hopefully we make a good impression!  Any tips? I'd love to hear them!!

Seriously... comment below.


We're also trying to figure out what we should bring her - I'm thinking a little care package to spoil herself. We know she loves to read so I was thinking of a book and maybe some girly-stuff like lotions and bath stuff. What do you think??




We will make the trek to the Las Vegas-area this Friday following work. Hopefully S will be able to get away from the office a little early to give us an early start on the 5-hour drive. The trip will give us a chance to check out the hospital, find a place where we can stay for a week or two after the birth if all goes smoothly.


 The adoption laws require that the birth mother wait 72 hours following birth to terminate parental rights,and then the courts in both states need to certify, share and certify again the change of custody before we are allowed to travel home to Arizona.


So... we've been told to expect to be in Vegas for 7-10 business days after she delivers and terminates rights before we can go home following placement with us.


So... if you know of any place in Vegas that would be a comfortable place to stay for two weeks with a baby... let us know!

Our First Conversation with Expectant Mother

Today we had our first telephone conversation with the amazing woman who selected us to parent her child. What an extraordinary experience!


I was so nervous and excited I didn't sleep a wink last night - S was traveling for work and let me know he only got a little sleep for the same reason. We tried to rehearse who would say what and which one of us would ask which of our pre-planned questions to make sure that it went smoothly.  All of that went right out the window when the time came; of course!


Her social worker called at the designated time and I had come home from work to take the call from the privacy of our house. She conferenced S onto the line and linked our call to "N" (out of respect for her privacy we are refraining from sharing her name and will refer to her only by her first initial).  We jumped right in, addressing her by name, thanking her for doing the call and asked how she was feeling. She was so gracious; so sweet - very quiet - and explained that she, too, was very nervous about the call.


Her admission made us chuckle, put us at ease and opened the door to explain that we were, too. She began by explaining why she chose us among the profiles she saw - she was drawn to our commitment to our family and felt that we had wanted to begin our own family for so long that surely we would love and care for the baby. That brought me to tears. It's certainly the message we wanted to convey - but it was so surreal to hear her say that's what she saw in us. Amazing how someone who has never met you, can see you.


We learned a lot more about her:

1. Her family does not support her decision and she's very much alone in the adoption;
2. She has a beautiful little boy who is 8 years old who loves building things and math class;
3. She loves watching football and never misses her favorite team's games . . . Who is her favorite team you ask? ..... wait for it . . . the Patriots, of course.


She'll fit in fine in our family as my Boston-reared husband has a single firm rule in the house: no cheering for anyone other than the Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics or Pats.
4. She loves reading anything she can get her hands on, including historical fiction and biographies. History is her favorite subject as was mine. She'd like to finish her degree and pursue a law degree;
5. She is extraordinarily empathetic: so conscientious about referring to us as the baby's parents, explaining that this baby may likely share the sweet temperament of her older child and inviting us to be in the delivery room to share that moment! I cannot imagine that I could possibly be so gracious and focused on other people had our roles been reversed.


She's simply extraordinary and we could not be more pleased with who she is and the heart she possesses.


Next: We wait! We exchanged email addresses and agreed to set up a date to go visit her before the delivery.


More tomorrow! Tonight we'll sleep!

The News We've Wanted to Break

We got the call! A birth mother has selected us. We're in a match! And if all goes well (we pray that it does!) we will be parents to a baby boy at the end of January.


Seven weeks!


The call came last Tuesday afternoon, and we've been spending the last week trying to manage our own expectations, ascertain whether it's okay to be excited or not.


We've struggled with how we feel: elation to be sure, but mixed equally with trepidation that this happiness won't last - that the worst-case scenario of the adoption falling through is somehow inevitable. Rationally, of course, we know it's not. But the odds aren't comfort enough for us. After all, through seven years of trying to start our family, we've been the tiny minority that has experienced every downside of fertility treatments and miscarriages.


But at the end of the day (or the week as it may), we've decided to revel in the happiness we feel.


The only thing we can control in this process is how we choose to react to this news and we want to be able to tell our son (amazing to write that) the story of how we celebrated the news of his arrival with our family and friends.


I don't know what else to write, other than to ask that you keep her and her baby in your prayers. She has already demonstrated such strength for pursuing adoption for her child; please pray to bring her the peace she will certainly need to continue to move forward.


And, just as importantly, we want to say "Thank You." Thank you for your continued support of us over the last several years as we navigated our hope and disappointment in our journey to becoming parents.


Up next: The Conference Call


Tomorrow morning we "meet" the woman who picked us over a conference call. Tune in tomorrow night for an update on how it went.

Open Adoption

Remember when adoption used to be something that wasn't discussed? Was a taboo topic for children? Some families didn't discuss the fact that a child was adopted and in many cases didn't know a thing about the birth parents because the child came from an orphanage.


Well, times have mercifully changed! We are pursuing an open adoption through American Adoptions. (That's the agency we selected after an extensive search, including visits to CA and KS, for what felt right.) That means that we will have the opportunity to develop a relationship with the birth parents before, during and after the placement of their child with us.


Of course, all parties have to agree to the commitment for contact.


"So how does it work?" you ask.


All agencies require the completion of a home study which is a process in which the adoptive family's background and home are inspected by a licensed social worker in their community.


They review their finances, their employment, their home's safety and cleanliness (thank God they don't inspect your organizational skills!), interview the couple and seek references for their characters. The social worker's report is called a home study and it is submitted to the court in the adoptive family's jurisdiction.


The adoption agency works with home study-ready couples to create a profile that reflects a snapshot of your lives, produces a video about them, and markets their profile to prospective birth parents considering adoption.


Our agency works nationally to match families, making their average wait time a bit shorter than smaller, local agencies that match within a single community.


So the "average" wait time is about 3-9 months after activation to be matched and 1-3 months after a match for placement. Of course, every situation is unique... some people wait years to be matched and others wait weeks. It's just a matter of luck, timing and prayer that their birth mother finds them.


"Matched" is when the adoptive family is selected by a birth mother - picked as the family with whom she wishes to place her child. "Placement" is the point after birth when the birth mother relinquishes her parental rights and custody is granted to the adoptive parents.


So we became activated on September 17th.  . . . and the clock began ticking!

What to Expect When We're Adopting...

Thank you for your sweet messages of congratulations in response to yesterday's post.


We're very excited and glad that you are finding joy in the news, as well. Here's a link to the profile so you can check it out for yourselves if you're interested.

We talked about what kind of information we could share with you about our adoption efforts that would be interesting for you on days when we don't have big news. Many of our family and friends have limited experience with domestic adoptions in general and much less in open adoptions. So, today we thought we'd fill everyone in on how this process works. It will be like our own version of What to Expect When You're Adopting! 

Open, Domestic, Infant Adoption

We're pursuing a domestic, open infant adoption. We chose to pursue the adoption domestically for a number of reasons but mainly because we knew there were so many children in the United States who need good families and forever homes.


Also, we wanted to be able to share details with our child about their birth families: culture, customs, language, health records, etc.  As a result the birth parents in our adoption could reside in any state in the US; which we like because we think that increases our odds of a tolerable waiting time (we'll see though, right?).

We decided that the state-managed public adoption process wasn't a good fit for our first attempt at adoption.


 Our state requires public adoptive families to foster children before they adopt; and the opportunity to adopt won't always result from every situation they could foster.  We couldn't bear the idea of fostering a child in the State's protective services and public adoption program only to have them removed from our home to be reunited with their biological families. While we would be delighted to learn that a family could be reunited, it would break our hearts to have to say "goodbye" to a child we helped raise. After so many losses in our journey toward parenthood, we both agreed our hearts just couldn't take that; especially for our first child. As a result, we're working on a private adoption utilizing a licensed adoption agency, attorneys and a nationwide search for birth parents who might like us. In theory, this also results in shorter wait and finalization times. 

We decided that, while we're open to adopting a child who is up to four-years old, we prefer to adopt a newborn infant. As you can imagine, especially those of you with children of your own, we long for the opportunity to raise our child from birth.


Although....some of you with children have told us to maybe get one that sleeps through night, or is potty trained, or is already out of the house and has a job!


All good points but this is just going to have to be one of those lessons we learn on our own! :)


 All joking aside, we are so excited about the opportunity to adopt a newborn child and to be a part of their lives from the day they are born.

Tomorrow, we'll fill you in on what we hope our Open Adoption will be like. 

As always, feel free to leave comments on the blog. 

XOXO

A New Chapter Begins!

One year ago this week, S & I embarked upon our last attempt at in vitro fertilization to begin our family. For those of you who followed our blog back then, you'll recall that it was a roller-coaster of a process with high hopes that were followed closely by disappointment. While we were sad to put this final attempt at a biological family behind us, we still had the hope of becoming parents through adoption.


Today, we're happy to announce that we have been officially activated as an "Expecting Family" with our adoption agency.  By activating, we've completed a number of hurdles in our journey through the adoption process.  Over the last year along this journey we have:


1. Interviewed dozens of adoption agencies in the United States over the phone;

2. Traveled to meet in-person with our two favorite agencies - one in California and one in Kansas;

3. Selected American Adoptions in Overland Park, Kansas (licensed in Arizona) as our adoption agency;

4. Completed state and federal criminal and child abuse background checks;

5. Had our home visited twice by our Arizona social worker;

6. Had our Home Study filed by our Arizona social worker;

7. Received word of the Court's acceptance of our Home Study;

8. Completed a print and online couple profile to market us to potential birth parents;

9. Completed a video profile to assist in marketing us to potential birth parents;

10. Paid our Activation Fee (gulp!);

11. Begun out-of-the-box projects and ways to adopt without debt

11. Received word this morning that our profile has begun widespread distribution to prospective birth parents nationwide.


To get here, many of you have had a role to play; and for that we are so eternally grateful! From lending your  testimony as a recommendation to our social worker for the home study this Spring to providing us with words and letters of encouragement along the way; to presents and tips on nursery ideas and most importantly, prayers this adoption process has been made all the more special because of your support and love for us.

THANK YOU!

Over the next several months, we'll blog daily - yes, DAILY - about our progress toward becoming parents. We'll keep you informed of the good, the bad and everything in-between and ask that you share our blog with family and friends who you think might be interested in our journey.  Also, share your comments, questions and feedback on the blog. It's a great way for our extended family and friends to participate in the discussion and our journey to becoming parents. With so many of us located all around the world, this is a great way for us to stay in touch with one another!
It's been a long, winding and sometimes bumpy ride - but we wouldn't change a thing and hope that our story can be of value to others who may be considering a similar path.


Tune in tomorrow for another update!

Welcome!

So, as you can probably guess, this is a blog to help journal the experience my husband and I and those around us have had in a long and tumultuous journey toward beginning our own branch of our large family tree.


I've struggled with wanting to insulate our family and friends from the emotional roller-coaster that my fertility challenges have provoked.


As a result, I've not really shared the details of our ups & downs, our hopefullness at each procedure and our sadness and the losses to date. Hopefully, this blog will help engage those who care to read it in what's happening in our efforts, give you strength and inspiration to continue your prayers for us and hopefully, just hopefully, end in us having a baby to love!


Both of our families' trees have deep roots and a plethora of branches. My husband's family tree branches out across the country and around the world. My family tree has roots at Plymouth Rock. But for the last five years we have struggled to get our own branch to grow!


We thought we did everything right:

Boy meets girl - Girl knocks boy's socks off and they fall madly in love - establish both careers - buy house - get married and start a family. Right?

Not so fast, as it turns out!

Perhaps we waited too long to get started. I'm 38 and he's 41. But we act like we're 12 so often that hopefully that counts for something.


When we married in 2005, we shared our first dance to , "I Love You" by Barenaked Ladies, which features as a refrain in the lyrics "Let's Make a Family Tree."


We had agreed months earlier that we would surprise eachother on our wedding day with engravings in the wedding bands we exchanged and, as fate would have it, we both referenced the lyrics. For those who know the song or those who listen to it in the above link, you'll hear BNL sing about some of the things the singer loves. Like him, among my husband's favorite things in life - aside from me- are soup, ice cream sandwiches, and fish sticks. So accordingly, he had my wedding band engraved with "More than Anything" so I always remember where I rank. Unaware of his message to me, I had his ring engraved with "Let's Make a Family Tree."


I know - we're adorable.


Anyway, that was six years ago next month. Since then, we've been very blessed and very happy but our attempts to have a child have been dashed by miscarriages, four years of fertility treatments, 3 failed IUI attempts, and 1 failed IVF treatment. We agreed that we would try IVF twice and that we'd begin pursuing adoption as soon as we began winding down fertility treatments. And we have done just that.


We have an adoption agency retained, we've completed our background investigations, have met with our assigned social worker and await the finalization of our homestudy. In the meantime, we are entering the home stretch of our final IVF treatment.


Tomorrow's the day when we go in for the egg retrieval surgery and the doctor retrieves what I hope are 6-8 beautifully perfect oocytes (eggs) that will each fertilize magnificiently and grow into 6-8 Grade A, top-notch embryos.

I'm supposed to be on bedrest tomorrow following the procedure so I'll have plenty of time to update you on how the retrieval went. And I'll post frequently to keep readers up to date on our adoption journey.

Remaining positive. My One-Millionth Prayer Said. Fingers Crossed. Let's Do This.